Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that causes someone to doubt their own judgment, sanity, and memories. It occurs when a partner intentionally triggers emotional distress by bringing up sensitive topics, then denies, minimizes, or blames the victim for overreacting.
Love bombing, on the other hand, is a pattern of intense and overwhelming attention from a partner. If you're used to terrible dates and emotionally unavailable individuals on dating apps, a love bomber may initially feel like a refreshing change. However, love bombing is one of many tactics abusers use to strip their partners of power, control, and self-worth. Love bombers lavish their victims with gifts, exaggerated promises, and constant attention, making them feel adored and irreplaceable.
Imagine meeting the perfect partner—the one who truly "gets you." They seem like the soulmate you’ve been dreaming of, and your relationship progresses quickly. You find yourselves texting and talking constantly, and they profess their undying love, claiming they've never felt this way before. Soon, you’re meeting each other’s families, moving in together, and building a life at lightning speed.
Then, without warning, something sets them off. They become angry, critical, and controlling. Instead of offering affection and communication, they punish you with silence. Days go by without a response to your messages, leaving you confused and anxious, wondering what you did wrong.
Just when your heart is racing, anxiety is overwhelming, and your body is physically reacting to the stress, they reappear. They apologize profusely, take full responsibility, and plead for forgiveness. Overcome with relief, you forgive them. The love rushes back in, and you convince yourself, They said they were sorry. I believe them.
And so, the cycle repeats.
Despite recognizing the toxicity, you keep going back. Love bombing can feel like an addictive surge of validation, creating an illusion of love in your mind. But your job is not to fix them. Don’t focus on their words—pay attention to their actions. Gaslighting and love bombing are both emotionally damaging. Once an abuser has you hooked, they may withdraw, knowing they can return whenever they choose.
If you're feeling unsure about your relationship or see these patterns in someone you love, please reach out. I provide a safe space for trauma therapy and healing.
- Nave Nijjar
Registered Psychotherapist
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