The types of Attachment styles: How they affect your relationships?
Attachment theory was originally developed by John Bowlby, notable psychoanalyst and psychiatrist. He explains how early relationships with caregivers shape an individuals emotional and social development.
What is attachment style?
Attachment styles refer to the way our primary caregivers interacted with us as infants, and how those interactions affect our relationships in adulthood. It is how we respond to our relationships emotional support and needs. Attachment styles are the foundation for building our relationships whole fully, it influence’s our social support. It's how we respond to our relationships' emotional support and needs. These styles are the foundation for building the rest of the relationships into our adulthood. They influence our behavior, emotional connection, how we react to others, and our satisfaction within a relationship.
Bowlby believed that infants are biologically wired to form attachments, a tool that serves as a survival strategy. Bowlby highlights the significance of a secure and consistent attachment to the primary caregivers. Bowlby proposed that disruptions or having inconsistency in early attachments could potentially lead to a spectrum of mental health and behavioral problems in later life.
For example, when your primary caregiver (often a parent) dropped you off with a babysitter/daycare or another caregiver, how did you react? Were you scared? Sad? Or were you OK because you knew they’d be back soon? How did you react when they returned to pick you up? Relieved? Upset? Apathetic?
The 4 main attachment styles and how they may show up in the therapeutic relationship:
Secure attachment style
Tend to feel calm, safe, and trusting in their relationships, feel comfortable with closeness and intimacy. They can express their emotions openly and rely on for support. You experience consistency. As adults, your confident to form a strong relationship and aware of what you wan with a strong sense of self energy. You can communicate your needs, can maintain a balance with trusting and having your independence in a relationship.
Anxious attachment (Preoccupied) style
May display clingy behavior or seek constant reassurance. They worry about abandonment and rejection. They may be overly dependent on their partner for validation and a high need for closeness. You may have experienced inconsistent responses from, their caregivers as a child. You put a lot of effort in your relationships and prioritize others. You fear that your partner will leave or abandon you. Get upset of being alone or separated from your partner. In fights, you may feel desperate to resolve the conflict right away, even if it means compromising your own needs.
Avoidant attachment (Dismissive) style
May have difficulty opening up or being vulnerable. They may minimize their emotions or avoid discussing personal topics. These individuals value their independence, prefer distance and self-sufficiency in relationships. You may have had caregivers who did not know how to meet their emotional needs as children. As an adult, you have a strong sense of self-worth but struggle with trusting others. You may not feel safe dealing with conflict in a relationship, you might withdraw from the situation and completely.
Disorganized attachment (Fearful Avoidant) style
May exhibit conflicting behaviors. They may switch between seeking closeness and then pushing you away. These individuals may have experienced traumatic or inconsistent relationships in the past. You wait for the “other shoe to drop” in relationships, prone to self-sabotaging, or end things before it gets “too good”. You may have experienced unpredictable behavior from caregivers during childhood. As adults, you may crave deep emotional connection with others but fear it at the same time.
-Nave Nijjar
Registered Psychotherapist
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